||[Oct. 14th, 2006|09:24 pm]
Badfic: The Daily Spork
|||||Unbreak my heart-Toni Braxton||]|
HERE WE GO!
Crimnal Author: PiariteGrrl
Title: Think agian Jack (notice the misspelled words of the suethor)
Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean
Spelling and Grammar: As you can already tell, pretty sucky so far.
Notes: Typical teeny-bopper who dreams of being Jack Sparrow's whore.
I don’t own the “Pirates of the Caribbean" of course, you don't. If you did, we might have to start a riot and burn you and the studio you made it in (for cleansing purposes)
Although I do want johnny D. Lol OMGZ! I'm like 14 and Johnny's is 40-something but I don't carez! 4real he be mine!
Prologue We left off in the second movie where Captain Jack Sparrow Was Fighting the mighty Kraken . Davy Jones Discovers his heart wasn’t in the chest and Captain Barbossa, Will, and Elizabeth set out to find him. They set out in Tortuga to find a ship. We are whalers on the moon, we carry a harpoon---So many words not needing to be capitalized! Oh Barbossa! Let's be friends!!
Chap.1 More then a Ship
“Where can we find a ship in a turn full a wenches, drunks and peasants!” Will asked as he stepped over a passed out man. I don't know, Will, but I am sure your pretty boy-ness can capture some wenches to help you forget getting a boat?
“ Ah, that’s where your wrong lad.” Captain Barbossa said, “You’re with me now. No shut up and help me find a ship.” That's right, Barbossa. Treat Will like the Silly Pansy he is and take lead. Jack's not here so you have to be the sexy one!
“Will...Will! Please say something. You haven’t said a word to me since the ship was sinking!” Will just kept walking forward trying to ignore his fiancé. Oh no! not Emo WILL! He just said something! Oh I forgot! He has to be silent because sue is lining up herself to be the next Turner Love Interest!!
“This is all Jack’s fault.” Elizabeth murmured.
“If ye be talking bout Jack Sparrow, ye need to know the whole story.” A voice from behind said. The three of them turned in unison to see a young blonde haired girl with a long black hat and long swaying blonde hair to cover her eyes. Oh yes, she's speaks in the old tongue because it TOTALLY makes her sound so much smarter. let's break this down: OMG! Jack Sparrow! He's like my love interest! I knew him from before because I'm such a stupid whore! YES! OH and she's emo toO!
“And who may I ask are you? A wench perhaps?” Barbossa said with excitement. Because you know, you like the a-typical sue-wench to me, but i'm just saying....
“Don’t get ahead with yourself, Let’s just say im a long lost memory of Jack’s , forgotten if you will. Banished from his world and never to be found. I can’t get you a ship, but in return a demand a price.”The mysterious girl said. So I'm a sue that ran after jack! Yes, jack loved me because my sue-thor says so! Excuse me, Jack has "loved" over a thousand women I'm sure, so don't think that you are more important as the next whore on the island. Oh! She can't get you a ship, but you can listen to her story of angsty teenybopper love sueness for a small 10.95 story fee!
“A ship you say? How much do ye want?” Barbossa threw a bag of coins on the table.
“You think I want your petty money? No, all I want is to be on your crew. Who know’s maybe we’ll find ol’ Jack Sparrow. You in?” I have to be on your crew because Jack still loves me!! Oh, and because I'm am under sue-thor law, you will place me on said boat and we will find jack.! Yes, jack still thinks of me as he plays five-card-draw in the cracken's stomach even now! OMG I WANT HIS BABYZ!
“Fine, we’ll make ye part of the crew but one thing, What’s your name?”
“It’s..Taylor. Now Come, You can borrow my ship.” </b> Because Taylor was such a popular woman's name back then. Oh honey? Do you happen to pose every month in PlayBoy magazine as well? Oh and you have a ship....wonder how many guys you molested to get that....</b>
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Will asked. Oh boy! A WILL INTERJECTION! HOORRAY!
“Unless you can pull out a ship from where the sun don’t shine we got no choice.”Barbossa said.
“I can’t believe we’re taking advice from a 8 year old.”Elizabeth said to Will.
“I”M NOT 8!”Taylor sneered,”I’m 14, now hurry up or I’ll leave without you.”
OH THERE"S SUCH A BIG ASS DIFFERENCE! Hey, Jack might be likes 30 years my senor but he still luves me like his gurlfrend ok?! I men gosh why can't 30 and 14 year olds bees togetor>?!!
“Learn to shut your mouth.” Will whispered.
“UGH! How dar-.” Elizabeth Started to say, she still wondered why Will was mad at her. Because Will has to be manly in front of the sue
“When the wind blow's you can't get rid of me.” Taylor thought in a haze.
Oh Wow! she's thinking up rhyme! Sounds like an ode to farting: when the wind blows, you can't get rid of me
“I’m getting to old for this, Jack owes me big.” Captain Barbossa Said.
"Jack owes alot of people, he always throws himself into something he can't do...idiot." The girl said.
"At least he doesn't alope with some girl." Will murmered.
If jack does "alope" with Taylor, the 14 year old future dumass playmate stripper anna-nicole reenactor, then let me proceed to shoot myself
"Come on, lets be leaving. it's getting cold now, and i don't want any whiners on me ship" Taylor said as she looked at Elizabeth. Aposing she would whine, Taylor went ahead to gather supplies.
Yes, because a 14 year old has a full scale knowledge of piratry, being a captain, and being a whore before anyone else
"UGH I CAN'T STAND HER!" Elizabeth cried.
"Lass, ye hardly know her. So you must remain calm or she we won't have a ship!" Barbossa sneered annoyed.
Thet took sail at dawn in search of Jack. Will they find him? Or will the mysterious girl lead them into a trap? Find out more in the scond chapter.
Sorry the first
hap. Is a lil’ short it’ll be longer next time. It’s my first story I’m just starting out. Hope you guys loved it. Ciao!